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  • Writer's pictureJessy Tolkan

Frustrated on a Friday! Day 54

It can't be sunshine and rainbows everyday. Especially when its been 54 days (+6 of chemo and radiation) since you've been permitted to be in the "wild."


Feeling it all today...The fact that this now the 4th "holiday/weekend/vacation" where there is virtually nothing that will separate the long weekend from the week..(Thanksgiving, Christmas/New Years, and now MLK weekend).


Feeling the frustration that silly little things that should be no big deal like a small burn on my hand, or a busted toenail - turn into infections when your body has nothing to fight it...


Feeling sad that its been more than 2 months since I clinked glasses with my beloved friends in their homes or my home or at a public establishment.


Feeling Frustrated...AND it will pass, and its a moment...and I do have some real progress to report:


Health Update:


  • Clocking in today at an Absolute Neutrophil Count of 715 (new 700's territory!)

  • The Ear tubes seem to be working, and only 1 more week of antibiotics and hopefully they will call this sinus infection and ear infection cleared

  • Strict instructions to stay away from doing dishes, lighting fires, or frying things that I don't know how to cook like Steaks...To avoid future burns, getting current burns wet, etc. Good thing Raj is the dishes man in this house anyway!

  • Can officially stop worrying about losing my hair - THIS IS A BIG ONE! My nails haven't faired as well, but fake nails have always been in the mix for me :)

What's Entertaining Us:

  • We started Station Eleven last night, on the recommendation of Nicole Rodgers - a little intense and close to home during this pandemic - but we are hooked!

  • Yesterday we celebrate the Hindu holiday of Lohri - and in traditional fashion, celebrated with a bonfire that we built in the backyard fire pit!





  • Goldbelly Deliveries courtesy of Adam Lioz kept on coming...Ratatouille Pie was DELICIOUS and The Biscuits that are waiting for us tomorrow morning for breakfast look equally amazing




What I'm grateful For:


  • After two months of mostly NOT talking on the phone with friends - or doing much communicating other than this blog, I enjoyed catching up several buddies all over the world this week.

  • I'm feeling truly motivated by work for the first time I a long time - with some very big new ideas on the horizon...Maybe that new bone marrow helped rekindle the excitement about all that's possible out there!

  • Raj, my rock, has been here by my side for 60 days...It would have been unfathomable to me just a couple years ago that I'd have a love this special, or a person so willing to support me so unconditionally. He's in it - for the crabby me, the fun me, the kvetch in me, he's here for it all and I'm so so so so so damn lucky.

  • In about 8.5 months, if all goes well, I'll be welcoming my friends and family to Milwaukee...for OUR WEDDING!!!!


Great shot on my window tonight...






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Sam Dorman
Sam Dorman
Jan 15, 2022

yes! gotta have your crappy days too and let it be heard when you do. we all have our downer days and you've damn well earned 'em more than most. the bonfire photo is amazing, actually looks like it's from an animated movie or something. super cool. anc count of 700s seems big. 700s and climbing, onwards and upwards.

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